I did get my dad on "his days" along with the step mother and the step siblings. Don't get me wrong, they were amazing, in fact that actually seemed closer to the stable family life that I had been able to have. But things don't last forever and well, some "daddies" don't stay around. Still being young, I had to understand and come to terms that my dad was moving, hmmm okay, moving far. While we were living in California, he was going to be living in Hawaii. Yep, Maui of all places. Great, awesome perfect place to visit and vacation. Yet, not even the same. Daddy was gone and we were here with mom and the stepfathers. That is where and when my visions and illusions of "daddies" disappeared.
Growing up as a pre-teen and teenager is a task and challenge in itself, not just for me but the "replacement" fathers along the way. Although hate is a strong word, you find yourself using it often. The resentment, the lashing out, the anger and the sadness. So many emotions for any young girl. No one could replace daddy, no one! The relationship with mom turns sour and it just can't seem to rebuild itself. Years, go by and lots of therapy, sure why not, doesn't everyone? Time to graduate high school and move on and "grow up", daddy is back. A day late and a dollar short? So it seems.
Adulthood is here and you find yourself struggling along the way because of the "daddy issues" you have developed. Great more years of figuring it out and holding on to hurt, anger and blame, only you are not just blaming daddy, you blame mom too. Finally, that day comes and it has happened, there he is without even looking for him, in fact the last person you would think. The complete opposite of you, I mean not even your type. But you just never know, when you least expect it, there it is. From that point you build on it and after much time goes by you find yourself starting a life with this person. Building the family, and creating the one you had always dreamed about.
I am so lucky and so blessed to have my soul mate, my complete opposite, my best friend, my partner who drives me nuts, yet loves me with ALL of my quirks and faults. The one who is the easy-going, the one who thinks things out, the peace maker. The one who became my husband (only husband) and the father of our children. Yes, those dreams and visions I so wanted for myself as a little girl are reality now and with our family. Our little girl is living the dream I wanted, along with her brothers. Yes we have the dinners at the table at night, yes "daddy" walks through that door every night after work and after taking but only a few minutes to himself, is ready to listen to the chattering of the kids and myself. He re-groups enough to gather that energy to play catch outside, or draw chalk on the sidewalk, or help with the math homework that I don't know how to do. He watches Sponge Bob when needs to, plays board games when summoned. He is Daddy and he is amazing.
A letter from Faith....
Dear Dad, wow there's alot about you that makes me love you, but let's start simple. I love you when you come home from work on Red Grape night and bring me my fav soup and bread and that you always remember. I love you when you go to the store really early in the morning (even before work) to pick up fresh bagels and doughnuts. I love when we all sit and watch Whale Wars because it is Noah's fav show (although I don't really like it) and one more thing about you is that you are my only dad and I love you! Peace
A letter from Noah....
I like playing football with you and I love you. I like it when we watch ESPN together and every story about Tim Tebow. I like that you watch Whale Wars with me and Animal Planet. I like that you go and buy fresh bagels in the morning. You are more than just a good dad, you are a GREAT dad.